I like family. I’m not sadistic, weird, or even insane. I like family life because it’s like a return to the good old days of the 50′s. I don’t mean I like family from the 1950′s. I’m thinking of family from the 7050′s…BC when it was survival of the fittest and the herd was thinned on regular occasions. I like family of all kinds. I like my wife. I like mom. I like dad. I like children even. Here are the top reasons why I like family.
I like family because of all the attention I receive
I never knew how popular a person could be until I became a family man. I like family because they always make me feel so wanted. My wife is always wanting me to do some sort of job around the house and never, ever forgets that I have a, you know, job. At least she says I like my husband <link> regularly. My kids feel the same way about giving me a social life. They are so considerate to wait until five minutes after I get home before giving me the privilege of taking them somewhere. I like family because as a social, funny kind of guy I never have to deal with a moment alone.
I like family because of the joy of spending money
I like spending money. It’s a fact. I like family because they give me all kinds of chances to spend money on things like student fees, doctor’s visits, braces bills, and just those times that my wife felt it was appropriate to buy ten pairs of shoes with my credit card, God bless her. Burning through money is a blast, even if you have to go into debt at eighteen percent interest to do it. Gosh, I like family because they give me such an opportunity to spend, spend, spend!
I like family because some people pay for dysfunction. I get it for free!
I loved watching reality television because of all the craziness and problems out there. Now, I get to watch it in real time since I’m a family man! I can see my daughter do a dating merry go round with the local losers and watch my wife’s drinking problems up close and personal. And, if we ever have an intervention (next Thursday tentatively), I get to lead it! It’s just like being a TV host! I like family so much. With free entertainment, how could you not?
I like family because it’s like winning the lottery
How many homes have two people with untreated anxiety and another with late stage obstinate defiant disorder under the same roof? And, that doesn’t even include my wife’s un-diagnosed poly-substance abuse and obsessive compulsive disorder! I mean what are the odds of having a spouse who sniffs Percocets, but then helpfully checks fifteen times to make sure the child proof cap is on correctly? My family is so unique, being with them is like winning the lottery! And that’s not even including my ex wife.
As you can see I like family a lot. If you have a family life that resembles mine or you have a great ex husband, why not share their humorous ways in the comments section? If you’re really brave, click “post to Facebook” to share your stories with your friends and the world!